This past summer, there was a song, "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke. This song, besides being musically interesting and fun, had lyrics that caused a lot of controversy:
If you can't hear what I'm trying to say
If you can't read from the same page
Maybe I'm going deaf,
Maybe I'm going blind
Maybe I'm out of my mind
Everybody get up
OK now he was close, tried to domesticate you
But you're an animal, baby, it's in your nature
Just let me liberate you
Hey, hey, hey
You don't need no papers
Hey, hey, hey
That man is not your maker
And that's why I'm gon' take a good girl
I know you want it X3
You're a good girl
Can't let it get past me
You're far from plastic
Talk about getting blasted
I hate these blurred lines
I know you want it X3
But you're a good girl
The way you grab me
Must wanna get nasty
Go ahead, get at me
Everybody get up
What do they make dreams for
When you got them jeans on
What do we need steam for
You the hottest bitch in this place
I feel so lucky
Hey, hey, hey
You wanna hug me
Hey, hey, hey
What rhymes with hug me?
Hey, hey, hey
...
Shake the vibe, get down, get up
Do it like it hurt, like it hurt
What you don't like work?
Baby can you breathe? I got this from Jamaica
It always works for me, Dakota to Decatur, uh huh
No more pretending
Hey, hey, hey
Cause now you winning
Hey, hey, hey
Here's our beginning
The important lyrics are highlighted.
Let's start with what I think he intended to do with this song. I think he intended to write a song about a woman who is wilder than she knows and he wants to "liberate" her: "OK, now he... tried to domesticate you, But you're an animal. Baby it's in your nature... ". He wants to have sex with her. BUT he's not sure how she feels. She's giving him "blurred lines". In the end, though, she realized that he was right and they presumably have sex. The promiscuity aside, this doesn't seem to be a threatening song.
Looking closer at the actual wording of these things, though, there is definitely something there.
For instance, the lyrics "May be I'm going deaf. May be I'm going blind. May be I'm out of my mind... I hate these blurred lines... The way you grab me, must wanna get nasty..." suggest that this woman is acting suggestively, but she's saying she doesn't want to "get nasty". He thinks she's sending mixed signals, and meh... that's not to bad. It's up for discussion as to whether or not that alone is sexist. Possibly.
It could be said that men have expectations of any woman who acts suggestively and that this is a bad thing. May be she was just having fun dancing. It can also be said that women shouldn't act suggestively if they don't want men to expect things. She can dance and have fun without "grabbing" some guy that she doesn't want to have sex with. I have no strong opinion either way.
Going further into the song, though there are some seriously dangerous words, "I know you want it, but you're a good girl". Then circling back to "The way you grab me, must wanna get nasty..." shows A LOT about the way people think in terms or consent.
Recently, the phrase "rape culture" has come to prominence. Basically, this refers to the way that consent is thought to be "implied" or "negotiable". Someone can say "no", but you can coerce, convince, intimidate, wear down, etc.. until that person consents. OR the person has consented by not saying "no" outright. 27, "no's" and a, "yes" is still a yes...
This.Is.Wrong.
Regardless of situation, if a person has not said that they want to or initiated the act themselves, don't assume. This can lead to rape. Not aggravated or violent rape, but making a person feel that they HAVE to have sex even if they don't want to. This is tricky and has led to many news-making stories lately of young men who assumed that a woman wanted to have sex, but was too incoherent/drunk/pressured to actually give consent.
Don't be like Robin Thicke. Don't make sex mandatory.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Masculine v. Feminine at work
I have many jobs, and in one of them, I do a lot of physical labor. Not an extreme amount, but so much so that a person in poor physical shape would have difficulty doing the things I do. Things like carrying/climbing a 7' ladder around a pretty large area, using carpentry tools like a level; hammer; nails; staple gun; etc..., and heavy lifting. They're not particularly difficult, but a lot of these things are not often done by women.
Once, while I was hammering a nail into some drywall to hang a large-ish metal frame, a man sees me. He decides that it would be a good idea to engage me in chat. So, he says, hillariously, "Don't they have enough men to do that?"
LOL
I politely said, "Oh, I'm perfectly capable of doing it, thanks." trying as hard as I could to be cheerful and not derisive...
There are many women who have my position throughout the company I work for, but I suspect that many of them get men to do the more "masculine" aspects of the job, like using power tools.
This man, though, didn't say that it was unusual for a woman to be doing this, or that he was impressed that I was ACTUALLY doing it. Those things would be offensive, too, but more passable.
No, this man said "Aren't the any men to do that?" implying that the only possible reason I could be using manly things is that there are no men available. I couldn't contain my rage after the man had left, and vented to some of my co-workers, but they didn't seem to think he was that out of line- I work with mostly married, middle-aged women (to give some perspective).
On an at least weekly basis, I am told by the other women I work with that they would never be caught dead doing all of the physical labor I do. They call me a "beast" (which I kind of like). They even sometimes suggest I have the only other man who works at the company to do some of these things for me instead. When this guy says he doesn't feel comfortable on a ladder, though, he is put-down and told that he needs to "man up".
DAMN IT!
I cannot express the level of frustration and anger I feel when I hear this bullshit. Why the fuck am I not good enough to stand on a God dammned ladder, or lift an 80 lb box of whatever? I am a relatively small woman, and I know that generally speaking women are not as physically strong as men. That's biology. I am pretty jacked, though. I would put myself in a league with any average man. So, why do people assume I can't do the things required by my job unless they've seen me do it before? At first glance, I would expect most people to size me up as a short, but sturdy woman. I guess it's either that I'm short, or a woman...
It's even worse for me because I don't dress like a "manly/butch" woman. I like to fix my hair and wear make-up. I enjoy nice clothes and looking "feminine". I'm sure that if I wore slouchy, "masculine" clothes, people would be more readily accepting of me as a physical force. I don't wear clothing that is inappropriate for the jobs I do, but they look nice. I'll wear some non-hazardous jewelry, or a belt around my waist. May be my hair will be down and curled. I accessorize. I'm not wearing a skirt and high heels on the ladder- so why is it sooooo surprising that I can hammer a nail while wearing an attractive shirt?
I know people think they're being supportive by pointing out that I do well with power tools, but it also implies that I shouldn't "normally" be able to use them.
This concept is also apparent in the recent well-meaning True Car commercial.
This service should be for anyone who just doesn't know much about cars. I hate that is focuses on women. In the comments for this, one man countered with the anecdote that he feels nervous about buying a purse because the one time he tried, he returned it the next day and took his mom to help him try again (I'm guessing this was for a gift, not for personal use). This isn't really the same, though, because he's admitting that he doesn't know anything about purses. Yes, most Men don't because they don't generally use them. I wouldn't know the first thing about buying a jock strap, so a service designed to help women purchase those (for whatever reason) could use a commercial aimed at women. There is NO WAY a woman can know about jock straps unless she's studied them. Cars, though, are different. If you've driven a car your whole adult life, and have paid attention to mechanics on things like oil changes or just any time you need a repair, you can conceivably understand enough to get by. Male or female.
People, just stop boiling it all down to gender (though I can't deny that there are trends and generalities that exist), and start judging people on an individual basis.
Once, while I was hammering a nail into some drywall to hang a large-ish metal frame, a man sees me. He decides that it would be a good idea to engage me in chat. So, he says, hillariously, "Don't they have enough men to do that?"
LOL
I politely said, "Oh, I'm perfectly capable of doing it, thanks." trying as hard as I could to be cheerful and not derisive...
There are many women who have my position throughout the company I work for, but I suspect that many of them get men to do the more "masculine" aspects of the job, like using power tools.
This man, though, didn't say that it was unusual for a woman to be doing this, or that he was impressed that I was ACTUALLY doing it. Those things would be offensive, too, but more passable.
No, this man said "Aren't the any men to do that?" implying that the only possible reason I could be using manly things is that there are no men available. I couldn't contain my rage after the man had left, and vented to some of my co-workers, but they didn't seem to think he was that out of line- I work with mostly married, middle-aged women (to give some perspective).
On an at least weekly basis, I am told by the other women I work with that they would never be caught dead doing all of the physical labor I do. They call me a "beast" (which I kind of like). They even sometimes suggest I have the only other man who works at the company to do some of these things for me instead. When this guy says he doesn't feel comfortable on a ladder, though, he is put-down and told that he needs to "man up".
DAMN IT!
I cannot express the level of frustration and anger I feel when I hear this bullshit. Why the fuck am I not good enough to stand on a God dammned ladder, or lift an 80 lb box of whatever? I am a relatively small woman, and I know that generally speaking women are not as physically strong as men. That's biology. I am pretty jacked, though. I would put myself in a league with any average man. So, why do people assume I can't do the things required by my job unless they've seen me do it before? At first glance, I would expect most people to size me up as a short, but sturdy woman. I guess it's either that I'm short, or a woman...
It's even worse for me because I don't dress like a "manly/butch" woman. I like to fix my hair and wear make-up. I enjoy nice clothes and looking "feminine". I'm sure that if I wore slouchy, "masculine" clothes, people would be more readily accepting of me as a physical force. I don't wear clothing that is inappropriate for the jobs I do, but they look nice. I'll wear some non-hazardous jewelry, or a belt around my waist. May be my hair will be down and curled. I accessorize. I'm not wearing a skirt and high heels on the ladder- so why is it sooooo surprising that I can hammer a nail while wearing an attractive shirt?
I know people think they're being supportive by pointing out that I do well with power tools, but it also implies that I shouldn't "normally" be able to use them.
This concept is also apparent in the recent well-meaning True Car commercial.
This service should be for anyone who just doesn't know much about cars. I hate that is focuses on women. In the comments for this, one man countered with the anecdote that he feels nervous about buying a purse because the one time he tried, he returned it the next day and took his mom to help him try again (I'm guessing this was for a gift, not for personal use). This isn't really the same, though, because he's admitting that he doesn't know anything about purses. Yes, most Men don't because they don't generally use them. I wouldn't know the first thing about buying a jock strap, so a service designed to help women purchase those (for whatever reason) could use a commercial aimed at women. There is NO WAY a woman can know about jock straps unless she's studied them. Cars, though, are different. If you've driven a car your whole adult life, and have paid attention to mechanics on things like oil changes or just any time you need a repair, you can conceivably understand enough to get by. Male or female.
People, just stop boiling it all down to gender (though I can't deny that there are trends and generalities that exist), and start judging people on an individual basis.
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