This past summer, there was a song, "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke. This song, besides being musically interesting and fun, had lyrics that caused a lot of controversy:
If you can't hear what I'm trying to say
If you can't read from the same page
Maybe I'm going deaf,
Maybe I'm going blind
Maybe I'm out of my mind
Everybody get up
OK now he was close, tried to domesticate you
But you're an animal, baby, it's in your nature
Just let me liberate you
Hey, hey, hey
You don't need no papers
Hey, hey, hey
That man is not your maker
And that's why I'm gon' take a good girl
I know you want it X3
You're a good girl
Can't let it get past me
You're far from plastic
Talk about getting blasted
I hate these blurred lines
I know you want it X3
But you're a good girl
The way you grab me
Must wanna get nasty
Go ahead, get at me
Everybody get up
What do they make dreams for
When you got them jeans on
What do we need steam for
You the hottest bitch in this place
I feel so lucky
Hey, hey, hey
You wanna hug me
Hey, hey, hey
What rhymes with hug me?
Hey, hey, hey
...
Shake the vibe, get down, get up
Do it like it hurt, like it hurt
What you don't like work?
Baby can you breathe? I got this from Jamaica
It always works for me, Dakota to Decatur, uh huh
No more pretending
Hey, hey, hey
Cause now you winning
Hey, hey, hey
Here's our beginning
The important lyrics are highlighted.
Let's start with what I think he intended to do with this song. I think he intended to write a song about a woman who is wilder than she knows and he wants to "liberate" her: "OK, now he... tried to domesticate you, But you're an animal. Baby it's in your nature... ". He wants to have sex with her. BUT he's not sure how she feels. She's giving him "blurred lines". In the end, though, she realized that he was right and they presumably have sex. The promiscuity aside, this doesn't seem to be a threatening song.
Looking closer at the actual wording of these things, though, there is definitely something there.
For instance, the lyrics "May be I'm going deaf. May be I'm going blind. May be I'm out of my mind... I hate these blurred lines... The way you grab me, must wanna get nasty..." suggest that this woman is acting suggestively, but she's saying she doesn't want to "get nasty". He thinks she's sending mixed signals, and meh... that's not to bad. It's up for discussion as to whether or not that alone is sexist. Possibly.
It could be said that men have expectations of any woman who acts suggestively and that this is a bad thing. May be she was just having fun dancing. It can also be said that women shouldn't act suggestively if they don't want men to expect things. She can dance and have fun without "grabbing" some guy that she doesn't want to have sex with. I have no strong opinion either way.
Going further into the song, though there are some seriously dangerous words, "I know you want it, but you're a good girl". Then circling back to "The way you grab me, must wanna get nasty..." shows A LOT about the way people think in terms or consent.
Recently, the phrase "rape culture" has come to prominence. Basically, this refers to the way that consent is thought to be "implied" or "negotiable". Someone can say "no", but you can coerce, convince, intimidate, wear down, etc.. until that person consents. OR the person has consented by not saying "no" outright. 27, "no's" and a, "yes" is still a yes...
This.Is.Wrong.
Regardless of situation, if a person has not said that they want to or initiated the act themselves, don't assume. This can lead to rape. Not aggravated or violent rape, but making a person feel that they HAVE to have sex even if they don't want to. This is tricky and has led to many news-making stories lately of young men who assumed that a woman wanted to have sex, but was too incoherent/drunk/pressured to actually give consent.
Don't be like Robin Thicke. Don't make sex mandatory.
Showing posts with label promiscuity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label promiscuity. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Sex
Yesterday, I posted my thoughts on nudity, and I said that sex should be a big deal. I stand by it. Today, I think I'll continue on the sex vein.
The sexual revolution of the 20th Century did a lot of good things:
It ended the taboo of talking about sex. It created a culture that appreciated sex as fun and good, rather than shameful. Women in particular gained sexual rights that had been denied them in the past. They could then consent to sex and not be seen as a slut. Women could obtain birth control. Rape started to be taken seriously, and not just be something that was swept under the rug.
Lots of good things happened.
Unfortunately, it also paved the way for a culture that depreciates sex as "just for fun".
Chemically speaking, there are hormones released during sex- dopamine and especially oxytocin- that are associated with emotional bonding. We are built to bond to our sexual partners, and when you "hit it and quit it", you are confusing your brain. Your body wants to remain joined to this person- even if the bond isn't life-long. Not only are we designed to bond with our mates, our well-being is boosted when we do. Check out this article: Sex in the Brain (The last few paragraphs are really the ones that are applicable to this post).
In addition to all of that, sex is just great when you have a commitment to your partner. I've only had one sexual partner, and we didn't start having sex until 7 months into our relationship. I needed to be sure that I was ready to deal with all of the consequences of a sexual relationship: physical and emotional. I needed to be sure I could deal with it if I got pregnant, or we broke up, or it turned out that he had lied about being a virgin and I got a disease. I had to be totally ready, and I 'm so glad that I was ready.
As lame as it sounds, it was, and has continued to be beautiful. After 7 years, it's still great, and I know a big part of this is that we waited to have a sexual relationship until we were totally committed and ready. We had lots of build-up and completely trusted each other.
That's why I'm so disappointed when people talk about having one-night-stands or just sleeping with someone rather than having a relationship. They're really selling themselves short.
Sure, women (and men) are totally free to be sexual beings. They can flirt, and dance, and date around. It isn't a good idea to sleep with people shortly after you meet them, though. Not only for the reasons listed above, but also because it can be dangerous. Sex can have some SERIOUS consequences, so doing it should be taken SERIOUSLY!
I just don't get how people rationalize sex as "just sex", when all evidence points the opposite way. Sure, you can take steps to keep yourself relatively safe, but those things don't always work, and there are lots of things you can't protect yourself from unless you're in a committed relationship. There are things that can be "just for fun", but sex shouldn't be one of them.
The sexual revolution of the 20th Century did a lot of good things:
It ended the taboo of talking about sex. It created a culture that appreciated sex as fun and good, rather than shameful. Women in particular gained sexual rights that had been denied them in the past. They could then consent to sex and not be seen as a slut. Women could obtain birth control. Rape started to be taken seriously, and not just be something that was swept under the rug.
Lots of good things happened.
Unfortunately, it also paved the way for a culture that depreciates sex as "just for fun".
Chemically speaking, there are hormones released during sex- dopamine and especially oxytocin- that are associated with emotional bonding. We are built to bond to our sexual partners, and when you "hit it and quit it", you are confusing your brain. Your body wants to remain joined to this person- even if the bond isn't life-long. Not only are we designed to bond with our mates, our well-being is boosted when we do. Check out this article: Sex in the Brain (The last few paragraphs are really the ones that are applicable to this post).
In addition to all of that, sex is just great when you have a commitment to your partner. I've only had one sexual partner, and we didn't start having sex until 7 months into our relationship. I needed to be sure that I was ready to deal with all of the consequences of a sexual relationship: physical and emotional. I needed to be sure I could deal with it if I got pregnant, or we broke up, or it turned out that he had lied about being a virgin and I got a disease. I had to be totally ready, and I 'm so glad that I was ready.
As lame as it sounds, it was, and has continued to be beautiful. After 7 years, it's still great, and I know a big part of this is that we waited to have a sexual relationship until we were totally committed and ready. We had lots of build-up and completely trusted each other.
That's why I'm so disappointed when people talk about having one-night-stands or just sleeping with someone rather than having a relationship. They're really selling themselves short.
Sure, women (and men) are totally free to be sexual beings. They can flirt, and dance, and date around. It isn't a good idea to sleep with people shortly after you meet them, though. Not only for the reasons listed above, but also because it can be dangerous. Sex can have some SERIOUS consequences, so doing it should be taken SERIOUSLY!
I just don't get how people rationalize sex as "just sex", when all evidence points the opposite way. Sure, you can take steps to keep yourself relatively safe, but those things don't always work, and there are lots of things you can't protect yourself from unless you're in a committed relationship. There are things that can be "just for fun", but sex shouldn't be one of them.
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