Sex

Yesterday, I posted my thoughts on nudity, and I said that sex should be a big deal. I stand by it. Today, I think I'll continue on the sex vein.

The sexual revolution of the 20th Century did a lot of good things:

It ended the taboo of talking about sex. It created a culture that appreciated sex as fun and good, rather than shameful. Women in particular gained sexual rights that had been denied them in the past. They could then consent to sex and not be seen as a slut. Women could obtain birth control. Rape started to be taken seriously, and not just be something that was swept under the rug.

Lots of good things happened.

Unfortunately, it also paved the way for a culture that depreciates sex as "just for fun".

Chemically speaking, there are hormones released during sex- dopamine and especially oxytocin- that are associated with emotional bonding. We are built to bond to our sexual partners, and when you "hit it and quit it", you are confusing your brain. Your body wants to remain joined to this person- even if the bond isn't life-long. Not only are we designed to bond with our mates, our well-being is boosted when we do. Check out this article: Sex in the Brain (The last few paragraphs are really the ones that are applicable to this post).

In addition to all of that, sex is just great when you have a commitment to your partner. I've only had one sexual partner, and we didn't start having sex until 7 months into our relationship. I needed to be sure that I was ready to deal with all of the consequences of a sexual relationship: physical and emotional. I needed to be sure I could deal with it if I got pregnant, or we broke up, or it turned out that he had lied about being a virgin and I got a disease. I had to be totally ready, and I 'm so glad that I was ready.

As lame as it sounds, it was, and has continued to be beautiful. After 7 years, it's still great, and I know a big part of this is that we waited to have a sexual relationship until we were totally committed and ready. We had lots of build-up and completely trusted each other.

That's why I'm so disappointed when people talk about having one-night-stands or just sleeping with someone rather than having a relationship.  They're really selling themselves short.

Sure, women (and men) are totally free to be sexual beings. They can flirt, and dance, and date around. It isn't a good idea to sleep with people shortly after you meet them, though. Not only for the reasons listed above, but also because it can be dangerous. Sex can have some SERIOUS consequences, so doing it should be taken SERIOUSLY!

I just don't get how people rationalize sex as "just sex", when all evidence points the opposite way. Sure, you can take steps to keep yourself relatively safe, but those things don't always work, and there are lots of things you can't protect yourself from unless you're in a committed relationship. There are things that can be "just for fun", but sex shouldn't be one of them.