Yesterday, I posted my thoughts on nudity, and I said that sex should be a big deal. I stand by it. Today, I think I'll continue on the sex vein.
The sexual revolution of the 20th Century did a lot of good things:
It ended the taboo of talking about sex. It created a culture that appreciated sex as fun and good, rather than shameful. Women in particular gained sexual rights that had been denied them in the past. They could then consent to sex and not be seen as a slut. Women could obtain birth control. Rape started to be taken seriously, and not just be something that was swept under the rug.
Lots of good things happened.
Unfortunately, it also paved the way for a culture that depreciates sex as "just for fun".
Chemically speaking, there are hormones released during sex- dopamine and especially oxytocin- that are associated with emotional bonding. We are built to bond to our sexual partners, and when you "hit it and quit it", you are confusing your brain. Your body wants to remain joined to this person- even if the bond isn't life-long. Not only are we designed to bond with our mates, our well-being is boosted when we do. Check out this article: Sex in the Brain (The last few paragraphs are really the ones that are applicable to this post).
In addition to all of that, sex is just great when you have a commitment to your partner. I've only had one sexual partner, and we didn't start having sex until 7 months into our relationship. I needed to be sure that I was ready to deal with all of the consequences of a sexual relationship: physical and emotional. I needed to be sure I could deal with it if I got pregnant, or we broke up, or it turned out that he had lied about being a virgin and I got a disease. I had to be totally ready, and I 'm so glad that I was ready.
As lame as it sounds, it was, and has continued to be beautiful. After 7 years, it's still great, and I know a big part of this is that we waited to have a sexual relationship until we were totally committed and ready. We had lots of build-up and completely trusted each other.
That's why I'm so disappointed when people talk about having one-night-stands or just sleeping with someone rather than having a relationship. They're really selling themselves short.
Sure, women (and men) are totally free to be sexual beings. They can flirt, and dance, and date around. It isn't a good idea to sleep with people shortly after you meet them, though. Not only for the reasons listed above, but also because it can be dangerous. Sex can have some SERIOUS consequences, so doing it should be taken SERIOUSLY!
I just don't get how people rationalize sex as "just sex", when all evidence points the opposite way. Sure, you can take steps to keep yourself relatively safe, but those things don't always work, and there are lots of things you can't protect yourself from unless you're in a committed relationship. There are things that can be "just for fun", but sex shouldn't be one of them.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Nudity
I'm on the fence when it comes to whether or not nudity should be censored.
As a generally modest person, you'll probably never see me tanning on a nude beach. Similarly, I won't be wearing revealing/sexy clothes to party. I just personally like the idea that no one but my husband knows what I look like naked. It's pretty cool. That being said, I would consider appearing nude for art/theatre.
For others, though. Should I care?
Let's talk about breastfeeding, and breasts in general.
Should I tell a woman to cover up if she's breastfeeding? Sure, breastfeeding is a natural and good thing, but so it peeing. Closing the door is non-negotiable. Peeing is different, though, because it is actually gross, not just revealing of private parts.
Recently, I read an article that women may now go topless without retribution in New York (city or state, I can't remember), and at first I felt feminist pride when I read it. Men have been able to reveal nipples whenever they want since... forever. Why are female nipples different? Because they are attached to lumps of flesh?
Yes. After more reflection on the article, those lumps of flesh change everything for most people. I think that breasts are fine to look at. Hell, I like looking at them! Aesthetically speaking, breasts are great, but should they be revered and kept secret?
I'm inclined to say yes, they should (other than for artistic purposes or breast-feeding,). If the purpose is to illicit sexual arousal, then that probably shouldn't be public. Likewise, people should close the door when they have sex.
I really believe that sex is another one of those things that should be private, unless it's for a purpose- education, story-telling, art, or pure aesthetics. It's a crying shame that sex isn't as big of a deal as it used to be because once you get to sex in a relationship, that's as far as you can go physically- other than eventually trying the really crazy stuff. If it starts there, then where's the build-up? Where's the emotional intimacy that makes sex SOOOOO good?!?! It should be big deal! So, nudity for sexual purposes should be, too. Otherwise, it's a waste. Keep it covered and keep some mystery. That's way sexier.
As a generally modest person, you'll probably never see me tanning on a nude beach. Similarly, I won't be wearing revealing/sexy clothes to party. I just personally like the idea that no one but my husband knows what I look like naked. It's pretty cool. That being said, I would consider appearing nude for art/theatre.
For others, though. Should I care?
Let's talk about breastfeeding, and breasts in general.
Should I tell a woman to cover up if she's breastfeeding? Sure, breastfeeding is a natural and good thing, but so it peeing. Closing the door is non-negotiable. Peeing is different, though, because it is actually gross, not just revealing of private parts.
Recently, I read an article that women may now go topless without retribution in New York (city or state, I can't remember), and at first I felt feminist pride when I read it. Men have been able to reveal nipples whenever they want since... forever. Why are female nipples different? Because they are attached to lumps of flesh?
Yes. After more reflection on the article, those lumps of flesh change everything for most people. I think that breasts are fine to look at. Hell, I like looking at them! Aesthetically speaking, breasts are great, but should they be revered and kept secret?
I'm inclined to say yes, they should (other than for artistic purposes or breast-feeding,). If the purpose is to illicit sexual arousal, then that probably shouldn't be public. Likewise, people should close the door when they have sex.
I really believe that sex is another one of those things that should be private, unless it's for a purpose- education, story-telling, art, or pure aesthetics. It's a crying shame that sex isn't as big of a deal as it used to be because once you get to sex in a relationship, that's as far as you can go physically- other than eventually trying the really crazy stuff. If it starts there, then where's the build-up? Where's the emotional intimacy that makes sex SOOOOO good?!?! It should be big deal! So, nudity for sexual purposes should be, too. Otherwise, it's a waste. Keep it covered and keep some mystery. That's way sexier.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Government Assistance
This post will be more political and less about feminism.
I know a person who is pregnant, 24, and un-married. She and her boyfriend want to keep the baby, but so far it has been is extremely hard for them. She works 25 - 30 hrs/week, as does he, but it's just not enough. Usually, I'd say, "If you're not making enough at one part-time job, get another!". Myself, I have four-ish (sometimes, only three). However, a pregnant woman should not have two jobs. In my opinion, a woman whose body is going through the extreme upheaval of pregnancy should have the added physical stress of working too much.
So, she applied for government assistance. She was denied because she works more than 20 hrs.
She was denied assistance BECAUSE she works.
...
Another person I know has three children by three different men, hasn't worked in more than a decade, and was recently arrested for some serious stuff... Stuff she'd been doing for years, but didn't get caught until now.
She has never had a problem with getting government assistance. She's had SNAP, WIC, LINK, as well as child support payments to pay almost all of her bills for many, many years.
Why is this system punishing people for actually working but needing a bit more while rewarding others for having lots of kids they can't pay for?
P.S.
As a very healthy woman in her mid-twenties, I cannot get affordable health insurance. If I had a kid, no problem, but as a responsible woman who is waiting until she is financially ready for kids, I can't get health insurance.
I know a person who is pregnant, 24, and un-married. She and her boyfriend want to keep the baby, but so far it has been is extremely hard for them. She works 25 - 30 hrs/week, as does he, but it's just not enough. Usually, I'd say, "If you're not making enough at one part-time job, get another!". Myself, I have four-ish (sometimes, only three). However, a pregnant woman should not have two jobs. In my opinion, a woman whose body is going through the extreme upheaval of pregnancy should have the added physical stress of working too much.
So, she applied for government assistance. She was denied because she works more than 20 hrs.
She was denied assistance BECAUSE she works.
...
Another person I know has three children by three different men, hasn't worked in more than a decade, and was recently arrested for some serious stuff... Stuff she'd been doing for years, but didn't get caught until now.
She has never had a problem with getting government assistance. She's had SNAP, WIC, LINK, as well as child support payments to pay almost all of her bills for many, many years.
Why is this system punishing people for actually working but needing a bit more while rewarding others for having lots of kids they can't pay for?
P.S.
As a very healthy woman in her mid-twenties, I cannot get affordable health insurance. If I had a kid, no problem, but as a responsible woman who is waiting until she is financially ready for kids, I can't get health insurance.
The beginning...
I try to be sophisticated and stylish in the way I dress, wear my hair, the way I act... but I suspect that people see right through it. They see someone who is trying to look sophisticated and stylish. They see an insecure, socially awkward, girl. A girl, not a woman.
This is always the way I see myself, as a girl. I'm not sure why this is, but it's something I can't shake.
Right now, though, I feel like a woman.
In the following pages, I am going to say the things I usually don't. These are the things I usually think, but never voice. Things I'm sure that, if I even said to my friends or family, they'd give sycophantically encouraging and cliche responses.
So, I'm opening myself up to anyone that might stumble upon this blog. May be no one will care, but it'd be nice to have a sort of public diary. I guess we'll see.
This is always the way I see myself, as a girl. I'm not sure why this is, but it's something I can't shake.
Right now, though, I feel like a woman.
In the following pages, I am going to say the things I usually don't. These are the things I usually think, but never voice. Things I'm sure that, if I even said to my friends or family, they'd give sycophantically encouraging and cliche responses.
So, I'm opening myself up to anyone that might stumble upon this blog. May be no one will care, but it'd be nice to have a sort of public diary. I guess we'll see.
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